How do I stop saying sorry all the time?
Here are five quick ways to stop saying sorry all the time.
1) Turn your Sorry into Gratitude - Instead of saying, "I am sorry you that had to come to pick me up." Say, "I am very grateful you were available to come to get me; I really appreciate you." Just making this change alone gives off a more positive vibe. There is Power in Gratitude, be sure to use it as often as possible.
“Would ‘sorry’ have made any difference? Does it ever? It’s just a word. One word against a thousand actions.”– Sarah Ockler
2) Take a break before you apologize - This can be a challenging one and one that takes a little practice. Many of us say sorry without even noticing. I know this because often when I hear someone tell me sorry, I say "for what?" They look at me with a puzzled stare. I know they don't have a clue they even said it, but that's my point, I make them pause just long enough to think about it. So, before you say sorry, get in the habit of making yourself pause and ask yourself, "Did I do something that deserves a sorry?" What I have found that makes it a little easier to do is ask yourself, Did I do anything wrong here? If I didn't do anything wrong, do I want others to think I did something wrong? By you saying sorry you're admitting wrongdoing, so now others are going to ask themselves what you did wrong.
3)Ask Questions Differently - Practice phrasing your questions is a way that they are clearly a decisive, That way you don't feel like to have to say sorry to clarify your question. Don't be quick to apologize for a question you asked; it's not automatically your fault the other person didn't understand what you were asking.
4) Know What Triggers You - This takes a little for thought, sit down, and write 8-10 things that trigger you to say sorry. For example, asking for directions, when you need a favor from someone, when you get in the way of a person's path, etc. For each scenario, you come up with, write down a sentence you can use instead. A couple of times a week spend a few minutes reading them out loud. Once you feel like you have them down focus on using them in the real world. If ten is too much narrow them down to just a few each week until you start to break the habit.
Show Your Compassion in a New Way - If sharing your emotions is difficult, and you worry about it, there are always other ways to show empathy and compassion besides saying, "I am sorry." You can use terms like, "I know that's rough, I can tell that it really bothers you." or I know you got a bad grade on your homework, however I know you'll do better next time." there are other options besides just saying sorry. Most the time sorry is the quickest and easiest to say, and it takes minimal effort. Breaking this habit will take some effort and practice.
The "sorry syndrome" is a widespread issue that all types of people experience. Common overlapping traits occur within this habit. Here are some notable ones:
Compassion - People you care deeply about the feelings of others and value others' preferences often find themselves saying sorry for doing things they haven't done.
Submissiveness in relationships. Those that make it a habit in saying sorry too often in a relationship give off the vibe to their partner that having their own needs and boundaries is wrong.
Non-Confrontational - keeping the peace and avoiding conflict is something that this person really cares about. In doing so, they tend to use the word sorry more often than necessary. After all, they would rather give an unwarranted sorry than end up in an argument.
Low Self-Value - A person is quick to apologize or say sorry when they assume they are wrong, this can happen very quickly when a person doesn't have the confidence in what they are doing is correct. When a person is faced with a choice they aren't comfortable, and it is challenged or questioned by another person, they are quick to say sorry because they feel they made the wrong decision.
Fear of Punishment - Whether they had a strict upbringing, or maybe they went to a religious school, having a childhood of fear of being punished can make a person very trigger happy with always saying sorry. This type of person will go around saying sorry for mistakes they didn't make just out of fear of getting punished.
Anxiety - Living with the thought that everything is going to fall apart can leave us with the idea that situations and relationships will as well. This can spark a firestorm of apologies as we try to keep everything together as possible.
Stop the Sorry Cycle:
Instead of falling back into the sorry habit, replace sorry with these.
Instead of saying, "I'm sorry," say:
"excuse me." "Pardon me" "go ahead" "after you" "your turn."
Instead of saying "sorry to interrupt you," say:
"'I'd like to add…" "I have an idea…." "I'd like to expand on that…"
Instead of saying, "sorry to complain," switch it to:
"Thank you for listening…"
Instead of apologizing in an email, consider saying:
"Thank you for catching that…." "I appreciate you bringing this error to my attention…." "Thanks for flagging this issue for me…"
If 'you're running a little late, instead of saying sorry, consider:
"Thank you for waiting for me…"
Reasons you say sorry all the time.
Most people say sorry because they feel that the needs of others are more important than theirs. When they say sorry, they think that their needs are below the person's needs. So they say sorry for the inconvenience their needs are putting on the other person.
You see this often when a person has a question to ask; they start off by saying, "Sorry to bother you, can I ask you a question?" This might seem like a polite thing to say, but really what they are projecting is, sorry my needs are inconveniencing you, can I ask you a question. There is really no reason to apologize for asking a question. Ther better way would be to say "How are you doing today? I have a question; maybe you can help me."
Psychology of the "Sorry Syndrome"
As Katherine Hurst says it on The Law of Attraction website, "While "sorry syndrome" is a pervasive issue that is experienced by all sorts of people, there are certain common traits that overlap with this tendency. In particular: compassion. People who care a lot about the feelings and preferences of others often find themselves over-apologizing when 'they've done nothing wrong."
A significant contributor to saying sorry too much is low self-esteem. When you take a look at people that say sorry often they tend to look away, or they say sorry to try and get out of the conversation. Maybe this has happened to you, or perhaps you have even done this. You come to a door, and there is someone on the other side wanting you to pass through at the same time, instead of saying come on through, they say sorry and wait. What exactly are they sorry for? Both persons' time is valuable and worth the same amount. So, the person saying sorry is feeling like they are an inconvenience.
Try and be more mindful of when you are saying sorry, try to pause when you are catching yourself about to say sorry and come up with other ways to reword your sentence.
Stop apologizing for who you are.
We are all unique in our own ways; there is no need to apologize for who you are. We all have different qualities. So this idea that one person is more important than others is complete crap. Going through life apologizing because you feel that others' opinions and time are more important than yours is just not a wise way to spend it.
You have the same rights to be here, and your opinions matter just as much as everyone else. I am confident you know more about a subject that others don't know about, I am sure you have valuable information, I am positive you have talents or ideas that are the same if not better than someone else's. This doesn't make you superior to others, but this makes opinions and knowledge valuable. So, to go through life apologizing for what you have to offer to the world is not healthy. You matter, and you are enough.
“I’m sorry.’ The two most inadequate words in the English language.”– Beth Revis
Never apologize for your feelings.
I can't stress this enough, never apologize for your feelings. The way you feel is the way you think. No one can tell you how to feel. If you feel joy, then feel joy, say you're sad but feel you need to lie or say sorry for the way you do, STOP IT. Everyone has emotions and handles them in their own way. The key is to understand how you process them. Never be sorry because you don't prepare or feel the same way as others. Think about when someone loses a loved one, some burst into tears others hold it in a process later. There is a process to grieve, but each phase can happen at a different time and different lengths. Therefore we do not process emotions in the same way; this is ok and completely normal. Our feelings shouldn't feel like an inconvenience because we are handling them in a totally different way than our friends and family.
It's absolutely ok to tell someone, "Hey, I feel this way, because of _____." You never have to feel sorry because your feelings are valid.
Can Saying Sorry be a Weakness
Saying sorry can be a weakness in some cases. If you are saying sorry to get out of the situation or use it not to be bothered, it can be a weakness. Let's replace the word sorry with the word yes, for example. Would it be a weakness to say yes to everything because you didn't have the strength to say NO? Sometimes you have to step up and say no.
There are some things you can't or shouldn't be sorry for, if you are apologizing because you feel a certain way, that could be looked at as a weakness. You are saying sorry for the reason that doesn't warrant it. We can't go through life saying sorry to everyone because we don't want to step on other's toes.
Now, if you are saying sorry for something you did and you really mean it. That shows strength and maturity.
Saying sorry too much in a relationship
If you're a woman reading this, you might find yourself saying sorry a lot in a relationship. This isn't your fault. Women are taught from a young age to say sorry even when they aren't genuinely sorry so that they appear to show feelings that they care.
“Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them..”– Suman Rai
It's healthy in a relationship to say sorry if you actually messed up and can admit fault. This is a sign of maturity; this can also help make your relationship stronger. It is unhealthy to say sorry if you find yourself apologizing when your partner gets upset about something you didn't do. If you are saying sorry just to save yourself a fight and find yourself taking the blame because you don't want to make your partner upset can be very toxic. This can build habits that you start to apologize for things you have no control over. You could begin to say sorry before you even know they words left your mouth.
These habits can be tough to reverse. Be aware of them before they start.
Apologizing for the same thing over and over
If you find yourself saying sorry over and over for the same things you have to ask yourself, "Am I making the same mistake or getting blamed for the same thing I can't control."
You first have to figure out what you are apologizing for. This is key if you are saying sorry just to say sorry then STOP IT. It sounds silly just to keep saying sorry for things that aren't changing. If you have the power to change the situation, then I suggest doing so. Now, if it's out of your control, then there is probably a good chance you shouldn't be saying sorry for it. You shouldn't be apologizing for things that are out of your control. It's silly to admit fault for things you have no control over.
Saying "sorry" too much could be anxiety
Anxiety can plant doubt is a person's mind; this makes them feel that the world is falling apart. Fear get you thinking you did something wrong when even you didn't. People start to form scenarios that have them saying sorry for no reason. Anxiety doesn't allow past mistakes to fade, this can cause people to apologize for things that they already fixed but still feel guilty for. They replay the mistakes over and over, feeling more sorry every time. This can be very challenging to deal with.