I want to make something clear about love. I believe that deep down, each one of us knows what real love is, but, despite knowledge, along the way, we get perplexed. So confused, that we want to turn something that isn’t loved into love so badly, that we break our hearts in trying to do so. What Is Real Love? Real love is not the butterflies in your stomach at first look or first kiss. It is friendship; it realizes that you enjoy spending time with that person, time that does not revolve solely around being physical. Real love is not about presents or status or expensive gifts. It’s about running through the rain, going to the movies, or only taking a walk and sharing your thoughts. It’s about wanting to please each other and being attentive. Real love is not selfish. It is putting the other person, always, before yourself. Real love is not about making excuses. It is knowing, without a doubt, that whatever is nagging at you is simply a misunderstanding, quickly cleared up with a quick conversation.
Real love is not when you feel relief when he calls/texts you, but when you feel calm and peacefulness with the lull of his voice. Real love is not wondering if he will call; it knows that he will. Real love is not when he opens the car door for you out of mere courtesy. It is when he opens that car door for you and looks deep into your eyes to make sure you are settled in comfortably. Real love is not texting and talking through the night because you are afraid that you may not have another chance to speak to them come tomorrow.
It’s when you say goodnight, knowing that they will be there tomorrow. Real love is not waiting for x amount of time to talk to each other after a date. It is an overwhelming desire to be in touch as soon as you leave. Real love isn’t when you feel vulnerable. It is being vulnerable and still feeling strong. Real love is not about indifference. It is about showing interest in what interests you, even if it is not their interest.
Real love is not being afraid to express your concerns for fear of complicating the relationship or being called emotional. Real love is full of worries, conflicts, and emotions. Real love isn’t about walking on eggshells afraid to do/say something wrong. It is the empowerment of being accepted and wanted, solely for being you, with your flaws.
Real love is not about jealousy, it is about trust and knowing that you are their only one. Real love is not about smooth sailing. Real love is like being out in the ocean through thunder and lightning and substantial scary waves.
How do you know if someone truly loves you? You will feel that they love you if and when they stay by you through the storm and smile with you, still holding you in their arms after the storm has passed. If you have to sit there and wonder, what if I had said x or did z differently, then they wouldn’t have fallen out of love with me, then it wasn’t real love. When it is just infatuation, lust, or desire, these feelings can not stand firm through time, and with any slight disturbance, they start to wither away, and one is left with nothing. In a real love relationship when these elements begin to fade away, you are left with a friend and with respect, with someone who wants you by their side, and who will be by your side. Someone who just like you, sees the fire dying away and instead of turning away and starting a new fire somewhere else, they keep working on your fire, blowing on the little flame to make it bigger. They keep searching and finding small dried twigs to add to that fire just like you do.
All relationships have one law: never make the one you love feel alone, especially when you are there.
It takes two people to keep that fire going, and if it is just one person doing all the work, the fire will die away eventually.
Remember, lust and infatuation only last so long, don’t keep those rose-colored glasses on simply because you do not want to admit that that’s all it was. Accept it as is, desiring someone to the point of surrender is tremendous, but that’s all it is, a surrender to a moment in time. Pick yourself up and find someone who will love you for you, beyond pure lust, beyond the overwhelming desire, someone who is a true friend, someone who gives you as much as you give to them. Don’t Waste Your Time. Be Yourself - If you don’t want to waste your time with someone who may not be in love with you, just be yourself, don’t hold back. If you find that you are hesitating in doing so, that is your first red flag. You are better off finding out sooner rather than later if they are genuinely into you or just your physique. Have Your Interests/Hobbies - When you see that you are becoming obsessed, take a step back and get a better perspective. Don’t forget that you have a life too, and it does not yet revolve around this person, nor should your life ever revolve around someone else. You should always have a dose of independence (a healthy dose is for you to figure out). If you make your life about someone else, eventually you will begin to be resentful, because the other person, no matter how much they may love, you can not make everything about you. Be Confident/Independent - Expanding a bit on the above point, if you have your interests, you will be more confident and naturally come off as independent. No one likes a super needy person. When people see that they have to work a bit for your attention, they appreciate it more. And if in the end, things don’t work out, it won’t feel like the end of the world, because other elements of your life keep you busy and make you feel relevant and valuable.
Don’t Be Confused - If you have any confusion whatsoever about how a person feels about you, then they are not serious about you. When someone is serious, they leave you with no doubts. Don’t Listen, Observe Instead - Anyone can promise anything, it’s the action behind the promises that speak to the person’s character. Actions without words are confusing (see the previous point), and words without action are just words. Make sure there is a balance between the two. Don’t confuse infatuation with love. I know it is really easy to do, but if you see red flags, don’t ignore them. It will only make the end that much more difficult. See things for what they are. If you want fun, enjoy fun, but if you crave deepness and meaning, don’t make excuses for anything less.