There are numerous reasons why people tell lies to the ones they love the most. Each reason or scenario might be different than the other; however, it still comes from the same common cause, unable to deal with the consequences of telling the truth.
Fear of being judged, the lack of courage, lack of communication skills, and the lack of ability to manage unplanned events make escaping the real facts a better option in their mind, rather than facing the actual situation.
When a person values honesty or is brought up in a way that lying isn't an option, they might try to come up with better choices instead of choosing to lie. If lying was a possible option in their mind choosing it would be the easy way out.
Lying is a combination of unable to face the facts from an honest point of view and the lack of moral values (open-mindedness of lying)
If you tell the truth, you don’t have to keep track of the lies.
6 reasons why people lie.
Let's talk about some specific reasons why we might lie to the ones we love.
1) To reach their goals: People might lie to obtain a benefit or reward. This is often seen when a person fudges on a resume or during an interview so they can get the edge on others. Often people will be ok with lying if it assumed that it is for the better of the common good.
2) To seek attention or validation: Some people will choose to make up stories or extend their truth because of the lack of self-confidence or self-worth. They might make up a story so that others will pay attention and validate their feelings towards them.
3) The fear of being judged: A lot of the reasons for people lying to the ones they love is the fact they fear they will be judged for the choices they have made or going to make. An example is this would be if a child were going to tell on themselves for making out with a boyfriend or girlfriend. They might not get in trouble; however, they don't want to be judged by their parents for making that choice. It's more comfortable to lie and not have to explain their reasons or face judgment from their parents. Most of the time, people lie because they fear what others will think.
4) To avoid punishment: often, a person will lie to avoid penalty. This is the most common reason for children to lie to the ones they love. If a parent chooses to use punishments readily, it could give the child an incentive to lie more often to the parent.
5) To feel worthy: People will lie to think like they have more worth over others. A person will lie about assets, income, or experiences to avoid telling the true story that could make them seem unworthy.
6) To fool others: People will lie to manipulate or trick others. They might feel that lying to others increases their smarts or intelligence. The thrill of getting caught makes them feel like they are winning the challenge or game.
Why do we lie to ourselves?
People don't lie to themselves on purpose. People often want to escape the facts, and the truth hurts too much to face. After awhile of avoiding and telling the same lie over and over, they start to believe the lie. A person, for example, will lie to themselves about leaving a toxic relationship and tell others they are working in that direction.
They find busywork that has nothing to do with leaving or preparing to leave the toxic relationship. Many of the cases the person that wants to leave the toxic relationship will lie to the ones they love so that they aren't feeling judged for staying. The person also lies to avoid the hard work it takes to leave. This could lead to depression as they start to believe the lie and feel stuck in the situation without even realizing they are giving up on the goal they set out to achieve.
Why do people lie in relationships?
People who lie in a relationship want to achieve one of two things, they might lie to save a relationship, or they might lie to cover up mistakes, so the relationship doesn't end. A person, for example, will lie to make it seem they are more compatible in hopes of strengthening the connection while another might lie to hide the fact they are secretly talking to another person.
My personal view is I'm afraid I have to disagree with either choice as it might pacify the short term but, in the long run, will most likely come around an expose the issues the relationship is already having.
Dealing with lies.
If people seem to lie to you often, the key is to stay to their facts. Put less weight on the words they use and pay attention to their actions. People will use words to confuse you, but their actions never lie.
If you are the one doing the lying when faced with adversity, you need to learn to face the issues head-on. Learn to improve your problem-solving skills, learn to understand that lying isn't an option so that you can start lying less often.
Would you like to talk to me directly? You can get one on one access with me by checking out my prices. Click Here To Learn More.